40 E-mail: 17 of 33

8/23/2006

I’ve got a few random things to share.

TUMBLE
For one thing, I took a tumble a week and a half ago taking Kelric to the Montessori school. They have stepping stones in the shape of Texas that connect the driveway to the sidewalk. A week ago Monday I was carrying Kelric in his car seat. He’s getting heavy. I was carrying the seat kind of low, and it hid my view of my feet on the steps. When I took that last step to get to the sidewalk my right foot unexpectedly turned to the right and I went down. I didn’t so much drop Kelric as set him down quickly as I fell. I ended up on the ground, but the carrying bar of the car seat was something I was still holding onto as I fell and that broke the fall considerably. I ended up with a lightly sprained ankle and an aching foot. I also bruised both knees but not badly.

I told the owners of the Montessori school about my fall and they were very concerned. They have made plans to even out the level of the stepping stones with the ground. Currently the stones sit on top of the ground and it creates a good inch or more of uneven surface that could contribute to future falls, so I’m glad they’re planning to change that.

The night of the fall I waited until evening to ice my ankle. That plus a Tylenol dosage took the pain away for the night. Now a week and a half later I still get faint pains from the bone in my foot and my ankle, reminding me to treat them gently. Each day I feel a little better so it’s a nuisance but really no big deal.

Since last Monday, however, I put Kelric in the baby carrier that I wear around my torso and I carry the car seat separately. That works much better for me and for Kelric. He has a grand time kicking his feet and sucking on the top of the carrier. He also looks really cute that way and I appreciate the lighter weight in the car seat.

SCREWDRIVER
The cubby hole bin things in the changing room at the cancer center need work. The hinges are not properly aligned and the cubby doors are very close to one another, so the misalignment issues mean they rub and stick on the surrounding doors when I try to open a cubby. The cubbies are to hold personal belongings while patients wear the hospital johnnys for radiation treatment.

This annoyed me just enough that I brought my own screwdriver one day and fixed the hinge on cubby number 5. That’s my favorite cubby since it’s easily reachable and usually has a key in it. Then I decided to try to fix the other doors. I quickly realized that I was out of my depth because fixing the other cubby doors requires time and a study of how each door’s hinges are set or misset and how they relate to the other doors.

So a couple of Tuesdays ago I complained to my radiologist about it. I waited a week and nothing changed, so I complained to my radiation technicians about it. The nurse said she would inform her boss. I said I was tempted to bring my screwdriver in from the car while we waited for the person in treatment to finish up. It was taking a while. The lady next to me asked if I would take a look at cubby number 10 because that one is her favorite and it bangs into or rubs other doors. The next day I brought my screwdriver and took a look at 10, but fixing 10 required fixing the doors around it so again I backed off. I mentioned this to the lady whom I saw again because her treatments are scheduled after mine. The nurse said that her boss had put in a call to the company that had originally installed the cubbies and they were coming to fix them. Oh boy! That day I tightened the screws that attach the handle for the cabinet door with the stack of hospital johnnys inside. That made me happy, tightening the handle and knowing that the professionals would take care of the rest.

It’s been a few days and nothing has changed yet. Guy suspects that it was embarrassing for a patient to try to fix the dressing room cubbies herself. I told the radiology nurse that the rest of the facility is so nice that it is strange to have this situation in the dressing room. She agreed. Hopefully it will get fixed before I get to stop coming every day.

RADIATION CHEMICAL REACTION
Yesterday I met with my radiologist after treatment. He sees me every Tuesday to keep an eye on possible skin reactions and to answer any questions that come up.

I told him that my breast is starting to hurt. Kelric kicked me that morning as I was changing him and it hurt. The day before I had held a bag of trash too tightly to my chest as I carried it downstairs and suddenly it hurt. It doesn’t hurt all the time, but it is beginning to ache whenever pressure is applied.

My doctor explained that fluid typically fits the void left after a lumpectomy. I knew there was fluid there from the mammogram I had a couple of months ago. They told me then that my body would reabsorb the fluid over the next year or so and it’s nothing to worry about. I’m still not worried, but my radiologist told me that a chemical reaction takes place when the fluid is irradiated. It causes a reaction that feels a lot like arthritis. He suggested I take ibuprofen to manage the pain. I can’t take that because I’m still on Coumadin for three months after the port removal (July 24 plus three months), so all I can take it Tylenol. He said that Tylenol won’t work as well, but it will help so I should take it every day.

Meanwhile, my “skin reaction” continues. The skin under my armpit looks quiet tan now. Under my breast it’s turning red. The lumpectomy scar is still light pink and none of these places hurt or itch yet.

I’m also getting comments about how much energy I seem to have. I must admit that I feel like my old self again if not better. I think the cancer was battling with my immune system for years and it affected me in all kinds of ways. Now that the tumor is out and chemotherapy isn’t poisoning me, I have a lot more energy. It’s nice.

AUTO PILOT
Today as I drove to the cancer center I realized that my brain was on autopilot. Just as I can navigate my way to and from work without intense conscious thought, I turned my trip to the cancer center over to the automatic navigation control and wound up at my destination without much conscious consideration. It struck me as sad that my path to South Austin Cancer Center should be so well traveled as to become automatic.

FUZZY HEAD
Earlier this week I rode up in the elevator to my office and a co-worker happened to ride up with me. I wasn’t wearing a scarf or hat at the time so my head was uncovered. My co-worker asked if she could rub my fuzzy head. I didn’t mind. I like it when people rub my new hair. It felt like velvet last week but this week it’s soft like Kelric’s hair. I’m tickled to see it filling in and it’s fun to have others share in that excitement. “Oh Angela!” she said in her English accent, “It feels like moleskin!” I’m not sure what moleskin is, but it must feel very soft.

CELEBRATION
I’m planning a party to celebrate the end of cancer treatments. I believe I had mentioned this before as a tentative event. Now it is scheduled for Sunday, October 15th. I’m still mulling over times, but I believe 2:00 to 5:00 p.m. will work for most people. That gives churchgoers time to attend services and eat lunch. It gives many Texas-based out-of-towners time to travel, even with church and lunch first. I’m halfway inclined to suggest that the people still around at 5:00 stick around longer and eat a spaghetti dinner here before going home. What do you think? Spaghetti sound good? Should I encourage people to bring desserts or snacks for the 2:00 to 5:00 part? I’m not terribly creative when it comes to planning parties. All I want to do is hug and talk to everybody. I figure if I set out tea and stuff to nibble on then the rest will take care of itself.

For parents, we’ve got the playground across the street from our house. That can be fun for kids under 12.

I wanted a theme for the celebration. At first I thought the theme would affect the food, like having all sweet desserts for a “Life is Sweet” theme. But I want non-sweet food, too, and “Life is Sweet” seems not quite the tone I’m trying to create.

Today it hit me as I walked to my car from radiation that I could pick a broader theme such as “Life Can Be Beautiful.” I would like for you party attendees to wear something beautiful. The exact dress of the outfit doesn’t matter. You can be formal or casual, dressy or comfortable.

Just wear something to my party that makes you feel good. Either it makes you feel beautiful when you wear it or it looks beautiful to be worn.

For those of you who can’t make the celebration, wear something for me the day of the party that links beauty with joy.

I have a pair of fish shorts that has a horrible cut. I’ll never wear them in public and I rarely wear them around the house. But the fabric is so freaking soft that I just want to pet my shorts all day long. It’s wild. I’m not going to wear the fish shorts to the party, but it would be in keeping with the spirit of the event if you wore an equivalent to my fish shorts that day because that fabric to me is beautiful. I also have a black maternity dress that I felt beautiful wearing when I was pregnant. It was comfortable and classy and looked really nice with a certain gray choker. That made me feel beautiful and even elegant despite my awkward pregnancy stages. I don’t think I’ll wear a maternity dress to my party, but I think you get the idea.

Surviving the cancer treatments adds a sweetness to daily life for me. Not feeling nauseous or numb or having my body hurt is a beautiful thing, and these painful and expensive treatments will give me years to watch my little boy grow up. That’s beautiful. Wear what inspires you to think about beauty and then please be sure to tell me why.

I’m going to go to bed now. I felt distressed earlier in the day worrying about metastasis and local recurrence statistics. Now I feel upbeat again and optimistic. Roller coaster, roller coaster… I’ll go to bed thinking beautiful thoughts tonight.

Angela

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